About six months after you met, you agreed it was time to meet each other’s children. You know it is not easy for children to allow a new adult into their lives so you want to be as careful as possible. You expect your ex-husband will not take it well that you are in a new relationship, however, you know it is better to tell him before you introduce the children to your new partner.
The crisis of divorce brings many unexpected losses. One of the most painful is when your children blame you for the divorce. Kids are caught in a trap—whom to blame, who needs loyalty, who is most vulnerable. You can ease the burden for them.
Prospective clients often call me to say they have just been told that their spouse wants a divorce, they are frightened and have no idea where to start. I usually suggest they attend a free online Divorce Options Workshop.
When something is on your mind, find a time to discuss it calmly, with the goal of a constructive, problem-solving conversation. Long-term relationships’ disagreements look different because they are often sprinkled with humor and affection. This is one of the keys to a long-term happy relationship.
Remember that the right amount of child support, is not always what a computer program comes up with. The better description might be the amount that will meet the reasonable needs of your children without causing significant detriment to the person paying or receiving it.
I am often asked questions like “Do I have to go back to work after our divorce when we agreed I would I care for our children?”
When you stay open to the possibility that you do not necessarily know what your partner will say or do and you monitor your assumptions about them, you may be able to maintain a channel of communication that is less fraught with argument and disappointment. You may still not like what he or she is wanting, but you will at least not like it from the standpoint of knowing that it is what they are actually want.
We discussed using a Collaborative Divorce process where Julie is separately represented by a Collaboratively-trained attorney with prior experience on various spousal support outcomes. We could involve mutually agreed upon mental health coaches and/or neutral financial professionals to look at emotional concerns and property division settlement options. This would save them both the cost of hiring different experts to testify in court at $500 or more an hour, while also paying their litigation attorneys’ fees to cross-examine each expert, and waiting 90 days for the judge to make a ruling. And the ruling could be quite unfavorable.
By choosing a Collaborative Divorce, couples are choosing an option that provides structure to support them individually and together. Even when they can’t talk to each other.
Thinking about the various changes that accompany divorce, how can you respond in a way that elicits the BEST future life for you and your loved ones? This question might be your beacon during and after your divorce, to guide you along the way.
If you both enter into a Collaborative Divorce process in good faith, don’t rush out to file for divorce or panic if you are on either side of the “ten year” marriage. Trust that you and your spouse can create an appropriate agreement that doesn’t depend on a knee-jerk reliance on “rules” that may or may not be true.
Proceeding with a Collaborative Divorce is a healthier alternative for most divorcing families. Collaborative Divorce means you’ve agreed not to litigate.
You might choose a Collaborative Divorce because you want to stay out of court, keep conflict to a minimum, and have control over the process. In a Collaborative Divorce, no one enters a courtroom.
During your divorce talk about your emotional attachment to your home as one factor in making decisions about whether to keep or sell the home. It’s not simply about the money!
A Collaborative Divorce can help rebuild that all important missing trust.
One of your most essential tasks in a Collaborative Divorce is to prepare a summary of your expenses, which we will call your budget.